Masahiro Sakurai claims that Super Smash Bros. Ulitmate has an equilibrium that no other Super Smash Bros. has ever possessed. Then can he please explain why I’m constantly annihilated by a grossly overweight crocodile?
I’m so sick of my complaints about unfair characters being met with responses like: “What are you talking about? This is the most balanced Smash game of them all!”
Today, I’m going to expose these characters for what they really are: annoying, overpowered, and utterly obnoxious.
1. King K. Rool
My hate for this giant green blob of an animal is already implied. It’s bad enough that I had to deal with this freakshow in Donkey Kong Country. And now, you’re asking me to lay my eyes upon his protruding bellybutton and bulging stomach on a 4K television? That’s just sick.
Not only is King K. Rool is an eyesore, but he also has some of the most overpowered moves in the game. He’s unnaturally fast for his size, and he also has several other advantages including the ability to fly, throw projectiles, use armor, and deflect attacks. Look me in my face and tell me that a character with all those abilities is not overpowered.
I really don’t think anyone appreciates getting smacked in the face with a crown, and then pummeled with a cannonball. Nor, do they like being buried by a down-tilt or having their attack power lessened by belly super armor.
To all those King K. Rool players, I’m sorry to tell you that you should rethink your main, and make a trade for one that doesn’t make it so easy to win.
Out of all the iconic Pokemon that Nintendo could’ve included in Smash, Incineroar somehow made the cut. I understand that Nintendo included him to promote Pokemon Sun and Moon, but there are plenty of classic Pokemon that should’ve had a chance.
Incineroar doesn’t even resemble a Pokemon—he just looks like a giant cat with oversized muscles. Nintendo also decided that it’d be a great idea to make Incineroar a wrestler, and outfit him with a wrestling belt made of fire. If I didn’t know that he’s supposed to be a wrestler, I’d think that he’s just wearing a fire skirt.
The fact that Incineroar looks stupid is beside the point, as he has some of the most ridiculous, wrestling-based moves that deal tons of damage. Incineroar clotheslines you for his side-b attack and gives you a suplex for his back throw. These two attacks can be an instant kill if you’re approaching a high damage percentage. You also have to be careful feeding into his masochistic counterattack, in which your hit strengthens his next attack.
3. Toon Link
I’m going to have to roast one of my own mains just because I know he’s a pest. Seriously, he’s like a little flea that jumps around and doesn’t die.
Toon Link is supposedly the worst of the three Links in the game, but his repeated, irritating attacks slowly chip away at your insanity. Since Toon Link is shorter and faster than all of the other Links, he can whip his boomerang, arrows, and bombs out at a moment’s notice.
Players who don’t like to get up close and personal to their opponents favor Toon Link. He has some of the most projectiles in the game, a sword that has a longer range than it should, and tiny elfish legs that allow him to scurry past attacks.
Newsflash: Pichu’s not completely useless anymore. I don’t know why Nintendo would make a character that inflicts damage on itself in the first place—the Melee version of Pichu should’ve been enough for Nintendo to realize that it’s a bad idea.
Anyway, I guess Nintendo felt guilty about Pichu’s fragility because they decided to put him on steroids. In Melee, Pichu always had the advantage of being incredibly small, and that advantage balanced out with the fact that he would slowly kill himself throughout the match.
He still continues to electrocute himself in SSBU, but his voltage is turned up on attacks aimed towards his opponents. When you combine a tiny hitbox with powerful attacks, you get a character that’s nearly invincible.
On an unrelated note, Pichu’s high-pitched sounds make my ears bleed.
Don’t be fooled by Luigi’s shy demeanor. He comes off as timid and maybe even bashful in Luigi’s Mansion, but this is all just an act. In SSBU, you’ll soon learn that Luigi is a monstrous killing machine.
Luigi has quite a few quirky attacks that don’t seem that damaging. You only have to worry about his Super Jump Punch and Poltergeist Grab, right? That’s very wrong.
When your opponent uses a certain combo, the results are lethal. Once your opponent masters one of the deadliest combos in the entire game, they’ll take you from zero damage to you losing a stock (along with your willingness to live) in a matter of seconds.
You Can’t Deny the Truth
The truth is that SSBU isn’t as balanced as what Sakurai suggests. I just don’t understand how this game is considered “balanced” when atrocities like King K. Rool exists. Although the other characters on this list are less guilty of being overpowered, the imbalance clearly shows in King K. Rool, Pichu, and Luigi.
Do you think you can come to the defense of any of these characters? Leave me a comment, and let me know what you think!